I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
