Need sex. Gaining weight.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
