Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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