the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
hell yes lets make some ravioli
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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