i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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