Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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