Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
