i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
