Non-Jews are for practice
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
