Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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