i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
