Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
