dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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