i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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