I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
