You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
