Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
love makes seman taste better
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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