A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
