Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
