You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The uberlube is also flammable
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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