Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
