you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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