brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
