Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
