things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
