I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
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