Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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