the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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