in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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