Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She even gives head with a lisp.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
