im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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