Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
