I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
