Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
