Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
being pregnant is like rehab
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
