Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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