My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
