Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
