East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
