At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
