Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She told me I should be a condom model.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Randomize
