I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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