That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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