remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
its liver damage thursday
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
