I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
