just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
