careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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