Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
