I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
