I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
