Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
