be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
